


The Mysterious Notebook

by Mweebles



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humor, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 02:27:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14154666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mweebles/pseuds/Mweebles
Summary: Bard finds a mysterious notebook behind a desk drawer and finds more than he bargained for.





	The Mysterious Notebook

Bard was bored. Sebastian had caught him tampering with illegal explosives in the kitchen again and had locked him in the study with a punishment. He was supposed to be writing “I will not risk blowing up the mansion,” 1,000 times, but his hand started to cramp after 30 sentences.

Like any bored delinquent, Bard started rummaging through the desk drawers. Most of the documents were boring. Ledgers, memos, scrap bits of paper. It wasn’t until he searched the bottom drawer that he found it by accident. He had pulled the entire drawer out completely, cursing at his clumsiness. He went to slide the drawer back when his hand felt something on the back of it.

There was a small notebook taped there. It was quite dusty as if it hadn’t been touched for a while. He dusted off the black cover to try and glimpse a clue as to what it was about, but the cover was plain.

Curiously, Bard opened it and began to read. It seemed to be a narrative of life at the Phantomhive Manor. He flipped through a few pages, stopping to read sentences that caught his attention. 

He started to lose interest until he glanced the words “nighttime escapades.”

Bard found the page again and began to read.

> “Unbeknownst to the rest of the manor, some sultry summer nights often led to nighttime escapades for two young servants. When the gardener and house steward were fast asleep, the handsome blond-haired cook Bardroy would sneak out to see his lady love right down the hall. Mei-Rin, the maid, would let him in at the sound of their secret knock, greeting him in nothing but a white robe. After locking the door behind him, their clothing would hastily be shed on to the floor as they kissed with strong desire.”

Bard made a noise that sounded as if he were about to choke on air. His eyes went back to the page.

> “The young cook was very well-built. As a former soldier, his body was used to physical endurance. His arm muscles flexed as he picked up the maid and laid her on the bed. No more words needed to be said between them as desire grew heavy in the air. They kissed, their lips not breaking contact even as they were joined.

The sultry maid was extremely vocal during their joining–”

“Oh my god!” exclaimed Bard, finally realizing what he was reading. “This is word porn!”

He wasn’t quite sure what to think of being the subject of such a thing. The author wrote him accurately, thank goodness. He was quite muscular, after all.

Bard stared down at the passage, face flushing. He wondered if it was just as accurate about Mei-Rin.

After hearing footsteps approaching in the hallway, Bard panicked and stuffed the notebook into his apron pocket for safekeeping. He returned to his task, scribbling sentences hastily to make it look like he had been busy the whole time. The footsteps passed the door and Bard sighed in relief, resting his hand. He looked down at the paper to check his penmanship and realized with a groan what he had written.

> I will not risk blowing up the mansion 
> 
> I will not risk blowing up the mansion 
> 
> I will not risk blowing up the mansion 
> 
> I will not risk joining with the maid 

“Aw, hell.”


End file.
